rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
