Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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