last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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