yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
