i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
