I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
