i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
