My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
