It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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