DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it because I queefed?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
