You really coming over, don't trick.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
