I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
