just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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