do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
