we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
