Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
