bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
