Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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