I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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