So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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