too bad you live with your parents still
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize