My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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