I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
