She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
