i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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