well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
