she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize