he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
