I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
