Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
