he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
