I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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