Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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