there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
