I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
