dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The air was thick with penises
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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