I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
