If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
