His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
