I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
