In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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