he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
