My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
