In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
