our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
