he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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