people are starting to question the shark bite story
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
