He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
