My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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