is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
