Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
