why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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