Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
