I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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