i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
