Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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