look no pants
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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