for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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