Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
