she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I booty called her while she was in labor.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
