New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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