i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
