even my farts smell like vagina
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His hands were made for my vagina.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
