He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
