At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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