Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
