Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I will be naked everywhere
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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