I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
