As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
