speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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