I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
