well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
