I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
