ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
