You can't motorboat a personality
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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