I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Randomize
