Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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