Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
