I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
