Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
