Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
